


Cynical Skin

by PretentiousCoffee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adoption, Brotherly Affection, Cutting, Gen, Insomnia, Orphans, Self-Harm, Winchester Sister, past trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2018-07-19 06:40:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7349962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PretentiousCoffee/pseuds/PretentiousCoffee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Parker, a orphaned hunter, stumbles upon the Winchesters on a hunt gone bad. Soon after, they decide to team up and kick arse together...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Headspace

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this work may be triggering as it deals with some topics that some may view as sensitive. But other than that, enjoy!

 “Help!... Help me!” Parker shouts cupping a handful of her own blood cowered behind a dingy bar hoping she’ll be heard over the sound of the music.

Two shadows emerge from the front of the building towards her at a brisk pace.

‘That’s it, come closer you, demonic filth.’ She thinks gripping the knife behind her back harder.

The shadows come closer and just as shes about to swing her knife wielding hand, her brain kicks in, ‘No. No. NO!! NOT DEMONIC SCUM! NOT DEMONIC SCUM! THEY’RE NORMAL CITIZENS! ABANDON MISSION!!’ She jerks her hand back behind her and slams her back into it for good measure. She lets out a grunt, which, apparently, was a subtle invite for them to come closer.

“Hey, are you okay?” The one with shaggy hair asks with his hands up while taking in her rumpled, bloodied frame.

‘Fuck. Well, this is awkward. And painful, jeez that hurt.’ She complains to herself.

“Oh. Uhm, yes I’m fine, thanks!” Parker says in a light, cheery voice trying to divert them elsewhere before they get eaten.

Both of the men slightly tilt their heads completely taken aback at the bizarreness of the situation. The gruff looking one then puts in his two cents, “Listen, it’s not safe out here for someone like you. Why don’t you go home?” She scowls at them.

 ‘Dick. If only you knew half the shit I save YOUR sorry asses from on a daily basis, you’d think twice about saying that to me.’ Parker gripes to herself barely managing to bite her tongue.

She wipes the look off her face and goes for an innocent tone. “I can’t, I’m… uhm… Waiting for someone?” Almost on cue, there is a slight growling sound coming from behind the alley. ‘Well isn’t this just FANTASTIC timing!? Maybe I can distract him long enough for these clowns to leave.’ Squeezing her injured hand behind her back to encourage the blood to flow down, Parker tries to persuade the men to leave, “Shit. I think you both better go, my boyfriend doesn’t like me hanging out with other guys.”

She tries to give them a reassuring smile but the two men just look at her as if she’s gone crazy. Well, to be fair, they’re not too far off.

When the outline of the man gets closer, the postures of the two men changes immediately. The gruff one starts to bark orders at the other, “Sam, get her out of here, I’ll take care of this.”

With a nod, the one with fwooshy hair scoops Parker up and starts to run out of the alley.

“NO! Let me go! You have no idea what’s going on! He’s going to die!!” Parker screams while struggling out of the man’s grip.

He finally drops her to her feet but takes several steps back when he realizes she has a huge machete in her hand. She rolls her eyes, “What’s wrong big boy, never seen one this big?” Parker bites out with a smirk before running back to the suicidal one. In the distance, she can hear the lanky one shouting after her, “Don’t go back there, its dangerous!”

‘Oh, if only you knew.’ She thinks to herself.

By the time she gets back to the original scene, the man has been knocked into the side of a dumpster and the monster is stalking towards him. Idiot.

“Hey! Suck on this!” Parker screams while launching some of her blood onto the ground between them. At the scent of blood, the vampire shifts his attention from the man to the injured girl. His fangs descend and he gets a crazed look on his face, disoriented by his own blood lust.

As he stumbles forward, Parker coats the blade with a vial of dead man’s blood then lunges towards it. She makes contact on her first swing, wounding and poisoning the beast. Before it has a chance to recover Parker removes his head in an upswing. She sidesteps the falling body to tend to the injured man only to find him virtually unscathed staring wide-eyed at her.

‘Oh right, now we need to have _the talk_. Whoopee.’

He opens his mouth to speak, but Parker cuts him off, “Listen, this world isn’t as it seems. To put things short, there are some things that don’t belong in it and it’s my job to eliminate them. My suggestion to you would be to forget what you saw here and continue living life in blissful ignorance. Okay?” She finishes sweetly with a bit of regret at how fast and dirty she has to burst their bubbles of what reality truly looks like. “Sorry.”

The man looks stunned for a beat before bursting out laughing. The other one, who was apparently nearby, starts chuckling too. She sighs internally, ‘Of course I get to deal with the psychotic ones…’

“Right. I don’t have time for this. No, that’s a lie, I just don’t _want_ to deal with this.” Parker gives a small sigh speaking more to herself than to the others. “Really, best of luck to you both but I have to run. Lots to kill, little time to waste! Oh, by the way, you may want to go home! Its not safe out here for someone like you!” Parker shouts out with a shit eating grin as she runs off to her car.

Parker drives to the nest of Vamps with fervor but once again goes over her plan to check for any oversights or miscalculations. ‘Alright, I’ve successfully killed one of the vamps so now I just need to wait for his buddies at the bar to discover his body. Hopefully, they’ll catch my scent and follow the trail of blood I’ve conveniently left for them leading them absolutely nowhere. Blood loss. Right. Shit I feel kinda woozy.’ Parker shakes off the vertigo and continues her mental rundown, ‘Once I get to the nest, I can eliminate those who are there, then wait for the others to return and finish the job.’

Parker stops just short of an abandoned barn house. “Why do they always have to hole up in the creepiest looking places…?” Parker mumbles to herself.

Before getting out, she straps on a vest that holds an assortment of items she’ll need for the upcoming hunt. She stuffs a few more knives into her pockets for good luck, and then stalks towards the house hoping the element of surprise will still be on her side. Not even ten feet away from the house Parker can hear the music booming from the inside of the house. ‘I… I didn’t know vampires threw house parties.’ She thought with amazement, ‘Of course, how sad is it that even Vampires have more of a social life than I do?’

Shaking off the last thought, Parker gets back to the mission. She’s able to sneak into the back door without being detected however just as she rounds a corner she is face-to-face with a mouth full of fangs. Instinctually, Parker is able to defend herself with a swift swing, efficiently decapitating the vampire. The dying scream of the beheaded one alerts the household to their visitor.

One by one, Parker is able to pick off the vampires before they’re able to gang up on her. In no time at all, shes the only living thing left in the house. She gives a slight sigh, feeling appreciative for the hiatus in the fighting as she needs to set up before the others get to the house.

 Parker returns to her car and rummages through the trunk and takes out a bag filled with her own blood. She gives a smirk at it but pauses to review her situation, ‘I’m in the middle of nowhere, outside of a house filled with corpses, smiling at a bag filled with my own blood. I wonder how committable I am at the moment…?’

Parker shrugs off that last thought and returns back to her task. She goes back inside, rips the top of the blood bag, then flings the contents around the room focusing on the places near the bodies. She lets out a little curse when she’s emptied out the whole bag, ‘I’m gonna need more… This is barely enough to mask the smell of the vamps.’

She reaches into her leg holder and grabs out her own personal knife and cuts a sizable gash into her forearm, ‘Well isn’t this a familiar scene.’ She thinks amused at her own dark, inside joke. Using the cut, she continues flinging blood around the rooms hoping it’ll be enough to finish the job.

Finding a clean place to rest, Parker sits on a stool and haphazardly wraps her arm in preparation for round two. About ten minutes go by until the sound of a truck catches her attention. Just as predicted, the handful of vampires rushes into the house and swarm around the puddles of human blood becoming frenzied at the smell.

Parker slowly positions her gun to face the swarm and fires away. One shot. Two shots. Three shots bring most of them down with only one evading all of the modified, deadman’s blood filled bullets. Parker scrambles to get to her machete but is too slow. The last remaining vampire catches up to her and flings her across the floor with a backhand.

“Fuck, that hurts!” Parker screams at the vampire.

The vampire simply looks amused at her pain and lunges forward for the kill. Without hesitation, Parker grabs for her hidden blade with one hand and a syringe with the other. She wedges the blade between her and the fangs just moments before contact and injects the vamp’s neck with the deadman’s blood. ‘Why can’t I ever find the easy fast jobs…? So much for working smart and not hard.’ She thinks when he’s finally out.

Parker gives a longsuffering sigh and gets up to finish the job. She finds her machete and begins to sever heads to make certain she doesn’t have to return due to sloppy work. After ensuring that she was once again the only living thing in the house, she stumbles outside and collapses on the grass just beside her car.

She’s lying down in the front lawn staring at the night sky completely devoid of all energy. “Maybe I over did it with all the blood and the fighting…” She mumbles to the stars as if they could sympathize. “I just need a five minute power nap. Yeah. I’m just going to shut my eyes for five minutes then I’ll torch the house. Yeah.” Within seconds, exhaustion overtakes Parker.

……………….

‘Why is the ground shaking me…? Earthquake?’ Parker thinks to herself, trying to get to grips with reality. Her own rational chimes in, ‘Something is shaking you. Listen closely, there are two of them. Get up idiot before you get murdered!’

Without hesitation, Parker shoots up and makes a grab for her weapons. Either she wasn’t moving fast enough or the two men standing above her were faster but before she could grab anything a pair of hands grabs her wrists. Stamping down her instinctual reaction to thrash and fight, her brain reminds her that she should use it first.

She takes a breath and focuses on the two men. The early morning light helps her to recognize the two faces. “You two… From the bar?” Parker whispers through a groggy voice.

“Hey, listen we’re not going to hurt you, we’re just trying to make sure you’re okay. Can you sit up?” The shaggy haired one asks while pulling up on her hands gently.

Parker accepts the help and sits up but is greeted by a nasty vertigo spell. “Mmmgnn” Parker groans incoherently trying to find which way is up.

Another pair of hands grips her shoulders, “Easy there, tiger.” The shorter one says.

Her brain finally kicks in, ‘Blood loss plus eliminating a whole nest of vamps equals dizzy head and achy body.’

“My car,” Parker clears her throat to help her to speak more clearly, “I’ll be fine, but can you help me to my car please?”

They both nod and help her up, half carrying her to her car before setting her down in the passenger’s seat. “Thanks” Parker mumbles, her ego slightly bruised that she needs as much help as she does. She reaches into the glove compartment and fishes out an alcohol swab and cleans a small space on the crook of her elbow. A second round in the glove compartment produces a small IV kit with a smaller sized saline bag.

Both the men look down at her with a mix of curiosity and shock. She ignores their reactions, starts to insert the line while questioning them and their intentions, “So, do you frequently stalk people you’ve just met?”

“Only when another hunter is working the same case as us.” The shorter one says in a haughty tone.

“Wait, you guys are hunters…?”

The taller one gives a small smile, “My name’s Sam and this is my brother Dean.”

“Winchester.” Parker buries her face into her free hand, “I’m sorry, I had no idea! I didn’t mean to give you guys the whole spiel about monsters and all that jazz. Ugh, this is so embarrassing…”

Sam chuckles, “Don’t worry about it, we would have done the same thing.”

 “Speak for yourself.” Dean chimes in with a playful smile.

Sam gives his brother an elbow in the ribs, “Don’t mind him. I’m sorry, what was your name?”

“Oh, right, my name’s Parker.”

“Parker, are you sure you’re alright? That gash on your arm looks pretty bad.”

Just before she’s able to politely decline, Dean cuts in, “C’mon, you gotta let us pay you back somehow. After all, you did do all of our work for us.”

Parker’s rational mind begins to calculate the pros and cons of accepting their help. ‘They’re hunters with good reputations so they probably aren’t a threat... But on the other hand they’re still hunters. Still, if they wanted to try anything they probably would have done it when I was passed out… But I’m okay, so everything should be okay.’

After deliberating it for a bit, Parker decided. “Alright, it would be nice to pick your brains for tips and tricks. But first I need to torch the house.” Parker is met with two confused stares so she explains, “It tends to be easier burning the evidence verses trying to explain to the cops why my DNA was found in a house filled with decapitated bodies.”

The look slightly taken aback at the answer as if they’d never thought of something like that.

“Sammy, you drive her back to the bunker and I’ll take care of the house.” Dean states with no room for argument.

Sam gives him a nod in agreement and slides into the driver’s seat before driving off.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why do you carry around an IV kit?” Sam asks after turning onto the freeway.

“I’ve always thought it was a faster way of recovering from a rough hunt or whatever else.” Parker trails off.

‘Emphasis on whatever.’ Parker snipes internally.

“Or whatever?” Sam prompts.

‘Nosy one, aren’t you? How do I politely say Fuck off?’ Parker thinks to herself.

“Yup.” Parker says in a way to end the conversation before it begins. After a beat, she asks one of her own burning questions, “So, what is this bunker place you’re taking me to?”

………………

Just as Parker and Sam are starting to clean and stitch up her arm wound, Dean comes through the door bringing food.

“The house is torched and I bring food. I know. I’m awesome.” Dean declares while walking down the steps, “By the way, we need to teach you how to hunt without getting your ass kicked. Arson is exhausting.”

“Pfft, I saved YOUR asses, didn’t I?” Parker shoots back with a grin.

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean says while rolling his eyes.

“That’s right, there was a fair amount of blood when we first saw you as well…” Sam says more to himself than to anyone in particular.

Parker answers Sam’s indirect question, “It’s easier to kill them when they’re distracted by the smell of blood so I make it a point to splatter the stuff everywhere.” Parker pauses when she notices their shocked faces. “What? When you hunt alone you gotta come up with inventive methods to kill these things.”

They both give her a nod agreeing with her answer.

“How long have you been hunting alone?” Sam asks trying to distract her from the pain.

“Mmm, a few years I suppose. It used to be me and my dad but you know how the story goes… shit happens. Geez, that hurts!” Parker winces when Sam continues to stitch up her arm.

“Sorry. On both accounts. What was his name?” Sam asks with a sympathetic sincerity.

Dean hands her a bottle of beer to help ease the pain. “Thanks,” She says to Dean before taking a long swig, “His name was Jesse.”

Both Dean and Sam freeze before Dean snatches away the beer bottle.

“Hey!” Parker exclaims.

“Jesse Royce? As in you’re his 13 year old daughter Jesse Royce?” Dean asks with shock.

“Well, considering that was 3 years ago, no. Now give me that back!” Parker says while trying to reach for the beer bottle.

“Nu-uh, no alcohol for minors!” Dean nearly shouts

Parker rolls her eyes, “No need to be a douche about it. You’re not the one with a needle in his arm.”

“Why are you hunting alone!? You should be in school and doing normal 16 year old things!” Dean asks getting more and more worked up.

“Is your brother okay? He hasn’t moved.” Parker glances at Sam then back at Dean before answering his question, “Anyway, I don’t know what you expected me to do. I had no family and not many hunters want to take in a 13 year old girl so I did the only thing I knew. I hunted. I’ve done pretty well if I do say so myself.”

She starts to mumble to herself, “You all act like you haven’t seen a teenager before… Reacting like it’s the end of the world…” Parker rolls her eyes and takes the needle from Sam and starts to sew it up herself when Sam is still immobile. When she finishes, Sam finally becomes coherent enough to hand her a roll of gauze before motioning to Dean to leave the room with him.

Once seemingly out of earshot, they begin to argue amongst themselves. Parker rolls her eyes again at their attempts at being sly and continues fixing herself up.

“What are we going to do?” Sam asks Dean in a worried, hushed tone.

“What do you mean what are we going to do?” Dean asks sounding completely confused.

“We cant just leave her here to hunt on her own! Shes just a kid!”

“It looks like shes been doing pretty well on her own so far!”

‘Damn straight’ Parker mentally adds to the conversation.

“What do you expect for us to do?”

Not liking where the conversation is headed, Parker decides to head out. She scribbles a quick ‘thanks’ on some wrappers before booking it out of there.

Some people would view her as being ungrateful but they don’t know how disastrous a seemingly kind gesture can become. Take, for example, the ‘kind’ hunter who decided to help her out soon after her dad died. He decided that a young girl, such as herself, shouldn’t be exposed to the dangers of the supernatural. As such, he dropped her off at the first children’s home he found. ‘Why was that bad?’ You may ask? Well, the workers there encouraged the kids to fight amongst themselves to establish a hierarchy. Some real Lord of the Flies shit. After that incident, I’ve learned that trust is an overrated notion.

Parker sneaks to her car and slowly inches out of the parking spot to not arouse suspicion. Just as she gets to the end of the road, she can see two silhouettes standing outside. This is when she decides to book it.


	2. Hooligans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still working on the third chapter (as I've been for the last several months......) but I'll be done eventually!

Two Weeks Later

Parker stumbles to her motel door and unsteadily unlocks it. All thoughts of relaxing immediately go out the window when she sees two men lounging on her motel furniture. Alarm bells instantaneously goes off in her head. Instinctively, she clutches her midsection with one arm and cocks her gun with the other.

“Woah, hold up there Rambo!” Dean says with his hands up looking slightly green.

Parker lets herself release a small shaky breath at the relief of knowing the intruders. ‘It’s okay, everything is okay. They’re not a threat.’ Parker internally tells herself in attempts to quell her panic.

“Shit like that is how people get shot. Why, exactly, are you in my motel room?” Parker asks while leaning her hip against the table and holstering her gun.

“We just wanted to check up on you. You left pretty suddenly.” Sam says, at least looking slightly sheepish for breaking into a stranger’s motel room.

 She rolls her eyes at how annoying the Winchesters have become. “Yup, I’m fine, thanks.” Parker says curtly, “May I have my room back?”

“Listen, we just want to help.” Sam says almost to the point of pleading.

Parker wipes the sweat from her brow anxious for them to leave. “Thanks for the creepy, stalker concern but I’m fine. I’ve been on my own for several years and I’m still alive. I don’t need two guys with a messiah complex coming in trying to ‘save me’. But really, thanks for the offer.” Parker says with a bit of venom, anything so that they’ll leave.

Sam looks like he’s about to retort when Dean cuts in, “No, c’mon Sammy, lets go. She obviously doesn’t want our help.” Dean says to a dejected looking Sam.

Parker scoots further in the room leaving plenty of room for them to pass. Sam passes by imploring her to reconsider with his eyes but she makes it a point to ignore them. As soon as the door clicks shut, Parker lets herself relax. She falls to her knees and keels over on the floor. She releases the arm on her abdomen only to find her arm drenched in blood. “Damn.” She mutters.

“Meds then bed. In that exact order.” Parker continues to mutter to herself; a feeble attempt at distracting herself against the pain. She braces an arm on the ground to push herself up but ends up passing out cold on the floor.

……….

She groans feeling like she’s been run over… a few times. Parker blinks away the sleep in her eyes only to be met by two worried stares, “We have to stop meeting like this.”

“Are you okay? What happened?” Sam asks motioning at her bloodied shirt.

“Fun story actually. Went for a stroll in the woods but ended up taking a branch to the stomach. You wouldn’t believe how shocked I was.” Parker quips.

It does not go over well as she’s met by two fierce stares. “Geez, anyone ever tell you guys that you should lighten up?” She mumbles.

Bracing one arm on the ground, she tries to lift herself up, “NOPE, that’s not happening!” Parker objects at the searing, breathtaking pain at her ribs.

Both boys come to her sides and effortlessly lift her up onto the bed sensing that was her goal. Dean gives her a hard stare, “Okay, what happened? The truth this time.”

“Well, in my defense I WAS in the woods. I thought I was tracking a werewolf when it ended up finding me first.” She shrugs at their rage with her good side, “In the end he got it worse than me so its all dandy.”

“It is NOT all ‘dandy’.” Dean grits out, “Let me see.”

Sensing that it would just waste energy to fight, Parker lifts up her shirt enough to show them the wounds. She glances down to assess the damage herself when she realizes her mistake. Their simultaneous gasps bring an edge of indignation to the forefront of her mind.

While most female teenagers her age have flawless skin, perhaps marred by one or two pimples, her skin is covered in battle scars. Because the truth of the matter is, when her normal teenage counterparts are inside their rooms obsessing over their zits she’s outside fighting all the things that go bump in the night.

Parker yanks her shirt down and gives them both a glower while launching herself off the bed… Or at least her intentions were to get off the bed. The initial jerk brings her injury at the forefront of her mind. “Fuuucck me, that’s not happening either. Damnit, I can’t even storm out properly!” Parker fumes.

Sam holds up his hands in a placating manner, “Sorry, we didn’t mean to be rude.”

Dean starts to lift his shirt, “I can show you my scars if that’ll make you feel better!”

Sam rolls his eyes at him, “Put your shirt back down, dude. Parker, may I?” Sam asks as he holds the hem of her shirt in his hands.

Parker gives him a sigh, “Be my guest.”

Sam goes to work diligently cleaning and sewing up her newest scars. Dean runs off to the store to get food as they’re preoccupied.

….

Dean bursts through the door just as Sam is wrapping up Parker’s ribs and wound. He then starts to hand out bottles of beer. A glimmer of hope sparks in Parker’s heart as a bottle is handed to her, until she takes a sip.

“This is disgusting…” She turns the bottle to inspect the label, “Alcohol free… You’re hilarious.” Parker begins to fidget with the label of her ‘beer’ feeling slightly awkward.  “Listen, I just want to say thanks for helping me, I really appreciate it.”

“So what are you going to do now?” Sam asks while getting up off of the bed.

  
Parker shrugs her shoulders trying to keep her face passive. ‘Hole myself up in a motel and hope that I don’t die?’ She quips to herself.

For several moments, the room is completely silent. “Well, once again thanks for the help. I’ll show you guys out.” Parker politely hints.

“Parker, sit back down. You know we’re not going to leave you alone to die, right?” Dean states with his arms crossed.

Sam gives Dean a glare knowing that anything else that comes out of his mouth will probably make the situation worse. “What Dean means is that you can stay at the bunker for as long as you’d need to heal up, we’d be happy to have you.” Sam states with an easy smile.

For a moment Parker’s cynicism melts away. ‘Even if it’s temporary, having a stable home base would be nice. It would also be nice to not hunt on broken ribs for once. Maybe, maybe I can trust them. Just for a little while. ’ She gives them a nod with a small smile tugging at her face.


	3. Coma

A year later

Parker slams through the motel door, “Seriously, that’s the last hunt I’m ever going on with you! I’m going back to hunting alone!”

Dean comes in behind her and cracks open a beer attempting to ignore her venting, “Calm down. You’re alive aren’t you?”

“Barely!! I TOLD you there were two shapeshifters! That’s what the research pointed at, but no, you didn’t want to believe me!” Parker fumes at Dean while pulling out a small bottle of whisky from the mini bar. Dean gives her a pointed look regarding the alcohol. “No, you’re not about to get a needle shoved in you so you don’t get a say in what I drink!” Parker chugs it while staring challengingly at him.

Dean lets out a sigh, pulls out the first aid kit, and then pats the bed beside him. Parker rips off her shirt and lies facedown beside him in her sports bra while continuing to grumble to herself.

Sam walks through the front door balancing bags of food. He almost drops everything at the scene in front of him, “Parker, you okay?” A concerned Sam asks looking to Dean.

Dean gives a huge sigh when Parker restarts her rant. “No! You know why? Cause dummy over here didn’t want to believe that there were two shapeshifters and we ended up getting ambushed!”

“You keep forgetting to mention the part where I come in and save your ass.” Dean shoots back.

Parker grumbles into the pillow, “I wouldn’t have needed saving if you would have believed me.”

“Yeah, yeah, you were right, I was wrong. Will you let it go already?” Dean sighs.

“Fine. We heading back to the bunker tonight?” Parker asks with a little bit of hope in her voice.

Most motels, if they’re lucky, only have two beds in them making sleeping arrangements difficult to say the least. More often than not, someone ends up sleeping on the floor or on a cot because the two giants refuse to share. Tonight’s sleeping arrangements aren’t any more promising.

“We’ll head back in the morning. Besides, I saw a bar a few blocks away and it would be a waste not to visit it.” Dean states with far too much enthusiasm.

Both Sam and Parker roll their eyes at him. Of course he would be the one to notice the bars of the town. Dean pats Parkers back and leaves for the kitchen to wash his hands. Parker gets up and stretches slowly testing her new mobility.

Dean glares at her, “Hey, don’t rip out all of my hard work. And put a shirt on.”

“Yes, daddy Dean.” Parker responds in a mocking kid voice.

Dean shivers in disgust before scarfing down his portion of dinner. Parker drags her computer to her lap and begins to research new cases. Sam drops Parker’s meal beside her on the bed before helping himself to his dinner at the tiny dining room table.

“Alright kids, you play nice, I’m off to counsel some women about their daddy issues.”

Parker grimaces in response as Dean slams the door. If Dean weren’t so good at what he does—most of the time at least—then she would have left long ago. Sometimes his antics are too much to stomach.

Sam glances over to the bed with worry, “Parker, you feeling okay? You haven’t touched your food.”

Parker looks to Sam and then grabs a fry from the bag, “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

Parker hides her disgust towards the fry while attempting to psych herself into eating. ‘Its just one fry, I can do this. One fry will not kill me. I have to act normal, normal people eat food. Just put it in your mouth. One, two, three, go.’

“As long as you’re okay. I’m going to take a quick shower, but feel free to take the bed. I’ll sleep on the couch and if Dean ever gets back, he can take the floor.”

“Oh, okay, thanks.” Parker says feigning a nonchalant attitude while munching on her fry.

Parker waits until she hears the shower start until she walks outside with her bag of food. She shivers in revulsion while depositing the food in the nearest dumpster before going back inside and reclaiming her spot on the bed.

Ever since dad died, meals have been a challenge for Parker. In her world filled with instability it was nice to have a semblance of control in her life. She cant control whether or not something would attack or harm her but she could control how much and what she was putting into her body. And if she was being completely honest with herself, the slim frame it gave her was an advantage when it came to monsters underestimating her strength.

But just because she has a particular quirk, it doesn’t mean the boys have to know.

……

As per usual when on these hunts, Parker gets hit with a bout of insomnia. After drifting in and out of sleep for a few hours and then tossing and turning for another hour, she admits defeat and stares at the ceiling counting down the hours until it’s time to get up.

The same with most of the details of her life, Parker has left the boys in the dark regarding her insomnia. Most hunters would have thought of her as a burden and thrown her away like trash but the Winchesters have treated her like an actual human. The last thing she wants is the boys thinking that she can’t pull her own weight. After all, they always seem to be dealing with several issues more important than her own.

Dawn finally rears its head at around 5 and Parker takes this time to get some training in. Just because she couldn’t sleep it doesn’t mean she has to spend the rest of the day being unproductive. On lithe feet to avoid waking Sam, Parker slips outside for a quick jog.

Jogging has always been a good stress relief for Parker. There is just something about getting lost within the rhythm of the body that always appealed to her. With each exhale she could breathe out the memory of that one mistake. With each step the tension leaks out onto the pavement. And afterwards she could bask in the glowing feeling forgetting her troubles for a minute. That is, until reality comes crashing back.

About an hour later she is met outside of the door by a smug looking Dean. Just as he opens his mouth Parker halts him with a hand, “Nope. Don’t want to hear it. I would like anything and everything that happened last night to remain a mystery.”

“Geez, what climbed up your ass this morning?” Dean frowns while unlocking the door with his free hand.

They’re both met at the door by Sam who is bleary eyed and rocking the morning hair look. Sam looks to Dean and snags one of the coffees before lounging on the bed.

Parker leans over to Dean and whispers, “Pretty sure he’s not in any mood to hear about your sexipades either.” She gives him a grin and snatches a coffee from the tray.

Dean frowns and mutters “Killjoys”.

The rest of the morning proceeds as it typically does after a hunt. Parker packs their personal effects while both Sam and Dean are in charge of loading their luggage into the Impala. This practiced routine takes them about twenty minutes before they’re loaded and off to the bunker.

This trip the drive only takes them about 4 hours, nonetheless it leaves all three of them exhausted—some more so than others. Parker leaves the boys to unload the car while she falls face first into her mattress. It may not be comfortable, but its miles ahead of the ones at the seedy motels they stay at and more importantly it’s hers.

Just as her eyes close, Parker hears her name. ‘Damnit, of all the shitty luck in the world…’ With a loud groan she drags herself out of bed towards the main rooms. Again her name is called however there is an obvious shift in the tone which brings with it a dread to her stomach. Parker begins to run.

When she gets to the library, her stomach drops, “No” Parker whispers in disbelief.

Sam is lying on the table completely drenched in blood groaning in pain. Standing over him is Dean attempting to staunch the bleeding with pressure. With a tortured cry Dean calls to Parker again, “Parker, I need your help here! Get the first aid kit! NOW!!”

With tears in her eyes, Parker blindly searches for the medical kit and rushes back to their sides. “How did this happen??” Parker exclaims with a hysterical tone.

“Parker,” Sam calls to her painfully, “It was your fault.”

At this revelation, Parker takes a step back. “But, I don’t… What?” She stammers out. Dean’s glower urges her to take another step back.

Sam continues speaking in agonizing grunts, “It was your fault. You led him here.”

“I don’t know what—“ Parker begins to say but is cut off.

 “He wasn’t after _us_ , but you already knew that didn’t you!? He was after YOU but still you led him straight to us!!” Dean screams at her.

“Who are you talking about?” Parker asks just above a whisper.

The sound of footsteps occupies the silent room, each step louder than the last. ‘It can’t be.’ Parker thinks while searching her body for any weapons available to her. Becoming slowly gripped by panic, Parkers movements become frantic and erratic and soon she is frozen in fear. The face that appears in front of her is one that she only sees in her nightmares and repressed memories.

“Why, hello there. Miss me?” The man says with a menacing smile.

Before she is able to make any moves, the man raises his guns and shoots Sam and Dean in the head. Parker’s blood curling screams echo throughout the still room. Slowly the man makes his way to Parker’s crumpled body on the floor.

“You didn’t think I’d just let you leave, did you? I told you, you can never outrun me; you can never hide from me. I will always find you.” The man says with his hand firmly grasping her hair. “Bad girls need to be punished, but first, let’s have some fun.”

With the loudest scream she can muster, Parker fights the hands holding her down determined to not go down without a hell of a fight. She swings and kicks at him blindly while cursing obscenities at him. It takes her a moment to realize that the hands holding her down aren’t there anymore.

With a huge gasp, Parker shoots up from bed looking around the room in complete confusion. ‘How did I get here? Where did the man go?’ Parker thinks with utter confusion. It takes her brain several moments before the comprehension that she just had a nightmare fully registers in her brain.

Parker falls back onto the bed with a sigh, “No rest for the wicked, huh?”


	4. Issues

 ‘I just need an hour’s worth of sleep. Yeah, just an hour. Maybe I can sneak away to a love motel, get some sleep and then be back in time for dinner… Oh wait, what are the chances of them having soundproof walls…?’

“…Catching these guys. The cops are already calling in for backup…“

‘If I nap here, there’s always the possibility of me screaming too loudly… Maybe if I ask them to run an errand for me I can catch a quick nap? I can always feign sick… yeah that’ll work. I just need an hour’s worth of sleep. Then I’ll be good. Just one hour.’

“Parker, you listening?” Sam asks with curious concern.

“Hey, everything alright kid?” Dean asks trying to study her face.

Parker is shaken out of her internal musings, “Huh? Yeah? I’m fine, why?”

“We’ve been trying to get you attention for a while now. What do you think about this new hunt in Pittsburg?” Sam asks with his eyebrow raised.

“Oh yeah, sounds great. Well, in a morbid sense of great… Err, I mean, yes. Sounds fine.”

“No, I think maybe we should just let her take a break and sit this one out.” Dean says mainly to Sam.

 “No, I’m completely fine! I just stayed up too late last night reading, I’ll be good if I catch a nap on the way there.” Parker says in an indignant tone.

At Dean’s skeptical stare Parker assures him of her sanity, “No seriously, I’m fine. Just sleep deprived.”

‘Aint that the damned truth.’ Her inner monologue chimes in.

At their unconvinced looks, Parker goes straight to her room and begins packing for the upcoming trip. ‘There’s no way I’m going to let them leave me behind just cause they THINK I can’t hunt. I can work through sleep deprivation, I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again!.. But really, just one hour, I just need one hour.’

…..

She jerks up for the fifth time with a small gasp in the car. Parker tries to disguise her shock with a cough but Dean takes notice anyway, “You okay back there?”

“Yup, just choking on my own tongue.” Parker says sheepishly.

Dean doesn’t respond but gives her an undistinguishable look through the rearview mirror. Shrugging off his look and her desire to go back to sleep, Parker stares out the window praying the drive will be over soon.

When she was working alone, her random bouts of insomnia had easy solutions. She could either hunt continuously until she dropped from exhaustion or snuggle up with some sleeping pills. Both situations resolved her sleeping issues and she could go back on her own merry way.

Teaming up with the Winchesters on the other hand, presented new problems. They wouldn’t take too kindly to going on a hunting spree and would freak out slightly at a drugged up Parker. So what options did she have left?

They make a pit stop at the least threatening fast food joint on the way to Pittsburg. Sighing to herself, Parker stretches her legs as Sam goes in to order food. Dean is leaning against the side of the Impala staring at her. She arches an eyebrow at him.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on or are you going to spout some more bullshit?” Dean questions skipping all of the formalities normal conversations typically have.

Parker quickly turns her back towards Dean so he can’t see the blood leaving her face, “That depends, is there any particular reason you think something’s wrong or are you going to continue to be vague?”

“What did I say about the bullshit? I know you haven’t been sleeping, your eyes are bloodshot and you look zoned out half the time. So are you going to tell me what’s wrong or are we going to keep pretending there isn’t a problem?”

Parker lets out a frustrated sigh, “I’m fine, I told you guys, I just have poor impulse control when it comes to reading and end up staying up half the night.”

“Fine, whatever.” Dean mutters with a disapproving tone obviously not buying it.

Dean gets into the car and slams the door just as Sam is walking out. Sam arches a brow at Parker but she gives him a shrug not wanting to get into it.

The rest of the car ride is filled with an awkward tension. Sam looks back every now and again between Parker and Dean seemingly trying to figure out what has happened. Parker, on the other hand, is attempting to school her features so the mind numbing fear doesn’t show on her face.

‘Shit, shit, SHIT!! He’s too damned observant for his own good. SHIT! What the FUCK am I going to do?? Obviously, using the book excuse isn’t going to fly anymore. What is he expecting me to say? ‘Dean, I’ve been having nightmares, pity me!’ What’s the point? Who is that going to help?? Ugh. Fuck me.’ Parker thinks to herself.

By the time they arrive at the motel, Parker has a glimmer of hope that maybe Dean has forgotten all about the incident and will leave it alone. ‘If that glare is any indication, I’m pretty sure he hasn’t forgotten.’ Parker simply rolls her eyes at him, ‘Whatever.’

Parker storms inside and immediately claims the bed. Sam takes the hint and lies down on the couch. Dean, on the other hand, decides to plunk himself down on the other side of the bed as if he didn’t have a care in the world. She glares at him willing for him to relent but he only glares back in challenge. Several minutes go by of this absurd staring contest until finally Parker turns over and glares at the wall muttering a quick, ‘dick’.

Parker takes a moment to contemplate what this new behavior might mean. In the past, all three of them have been content to not share any sleeping area. In fact, they all tended to avoid it at all costs, so this sudden change of heart is puzzling to say the least. Not to mention the whole sleeping argument.

Wait.

Realization dawns on Parker. He’s trying to figure out why I’m not sleeping. It takes all of her self-control for her not to turn around and glare at him. Fine. Two can play at this game.

Parker takes a deep breath and lets it out. Incrementally from her head to her toes she lets her muscles go slack. Lastly, she levels out her breathing in deep and even breaths. Just because she can’t seem to sleep doesn’t mean she can’t fake it like the best of them.

Most people don’t have to fake it. Then again, most people don’t hunt monsters for a living.

Hours drag by like days and Parker is left floating between dreamland and reality; too scared to fully commit to either one. Thankfully, the sun begins to stream through the windows effectively ending her limbo. She stretches her tense limbs attempting to encourage blood flow to them again. She turns over, only to see the spot where Dean once was completely vacated. ‘Huh, didn’t even feel him leave. I’m so off my game…’ Parker makes a mental note.

Movement by the couch catches her attention, “Morning” Parker yawns out but stops abruptly. Parker freezes in place but automatically and covertly reaches for her pistol under her pillow. In front of her are two sets of Deans and two sets of Sams. The first pair is holding guns to the second pair’s head while they’re kneeling on the floor with their hands behind their backs.

“Parker,” Standing Dean says, “collect your things, we’re leaving now.”

“Why are we leaving?” Parker asks still trying to distinguish between the two pairs.

“Once we shoot the shifters we only have about five minutes before the cops show up.” Standing Sam responds.

“Parker don’t listen to them.” Kneeling Sam says, “They’re just trying to confuse you.”

Parker’s eyes dart down to the kneeling Sam searching for some kind of indication of who is who.

“Parker, listen to me, don’t listen to them. Get Sam and head out of here.” Kneeling Dean says while subtly motioning to the gun held at Sam’s head.

Finally discerning who is who between the four of them, Parker gives a little nod. With one swift motion, she pulls out her gun and shoots the standing Sam. Kneeling Dean snatches the gun from the back of his head and nails standing Dean at point blank. Heaving air into her lungs, Parker lies back on the bed trying to regain her equilibrium.

“Guys, let’s not do that again. Please.” Parker says to the guys.

A gun appears in her vision a moment later. “Don’t worry sweetheart, it wont.” A menacing looking Dean says before shooting her in the head.


	5. Slow Me Down

Parker shoots up out of bed screaming her head off. Immediately, both Sam and Dean are awake and have their guns poised to shoot the potential invader. A moment passes before the brothers realize what is happening. Dean switches on the lights and Sam firmly grasps Parkers shoulders shaking her to rouse her from her slumber.

“Parker.” Sam calls out firmly.

One blink. Two blinks. Parker’s glazed over look turns into one of recognition. “But how? I thought I… Oh fuck” Parker stutters breathlessly before darting into the bathroom.

She sits poised beside the toilet willing her stomach to settle back down in her abdomen and her heart to remember they’re not running a marathon. Parker attempts to calm herself by taking several breaths but is distracted by the pounding on the bathroom door. Threats of breaking down the door are shouted out between knocks. As the panic begins to subside, Parker emerges the bathroom to prevent the boys from kicking down the door.

Parker is engulfed in Sam’s arms and pressed against his racing heart. He pushes her back and holds her at arm’s length, “Are you alright? You scared the ever living shit out of us!”

“Sorry.” Parker says to her feet.

“Is this why you’re not sleeping?” Dean asks.

Parker gives a small nod unable to deny anything after they’ve seen everything firsthand.

“Wanna talk about it?” Sam asks.

Parker gives a small shake of her head, “I’m fine, I just want to go to sleep.”

Just as Parker crawls back into bed, she notices the light shining through the curtains. She slams her head into the pillow, “What time is it?”

“7:00” one of them replies.

Sighing into the pillow, Parker drags her body up and starts to make her way back to the bathroom to get ready to go. Dean steps in front of her and places his hands on her shoulder.

“Listen, all we’re going to be doing today is interviewing the victims. Stay here and sleep.” Parker gives him a grimace, “Listen, we’ll need you more tomorrow when we actually hunt these things. So we’ll see you tonight, okay?”

Feeling the effects of several weeks of minimal sleep start to overwhelm her system, Parker hesitantly agrees. “Fine. See you guys tonight.” She says before she is marched back to bed.

….

‘In theory,’ Parker thinks to herself, ‘This was supposed to be a wonderful time filled with precious hour’s worth of sleep. But I think my sleep deprived mind forgot to factor in that insomnia isn’t a thing that can be turned off.’

Parker rolls to her back and stares back at the ceiling. Instead of sleeping, she’s been doing a weird dance on the bed shifting from one position to the other since the boys have left. Finally giving up altogether, Parker drags herself out of bed and gets cleaned up before lounging on the couch and doing some research. ‘Just because they’re treating me like an invalid, doesn’t mean I am one…’ Parker thinks to herself.

Being thankful to have something else to concentrate on other than the lack of sleep, Parker dives into her research for hours until the boys finally come back. A small round of ‘hellos’ brings her out of research mode.

“Welcome back. Did you guys figure out anything? I’m pretty sure I know what’s snacking on the locals. Also, I’m pretty sure I found another hunt a few towns over.”

“Woah, slow down there skipper, one case at a time” Sam says looking slightly shocked.

“From what I can gather, I’m pretty sure we’re hunting a small pack of werewolves.” Parker responds as if no one said anything.

“Yeah, we were thinking the same thing as well.” Dean responds.

“I’m pretty sure I found their address.” Parker boasts.

“Good work, did you get any sleep?” Dean asks.

Parker gives a shrug at the question but continues to ramble on, “There are a small cluster of houses on the outskirts of town by an abandoned wood mill that seems to be pretty ideal.”

“Parker, did you get any sleep?” Dean asks more forcefully this time.

“More or less.” Parker mumbles.

“That’s not an answer.” Dean retorts.

Parker lets out a sigh, “What do you expect me to say?”

“The truth.”

“But who is it going to help? It’s not going to help me get any sleep and it’s not going to help you guys feel any better. So what’s the point?” Parker says feeling her frustration building.

They both look at her with a scowl on their faces.

“It’ll help us figure out what to do next. The last thing we all need is to go head first into a hunt and to have you fall down on your face because you’re tired.” Dean bites out.

“You know what, fuck you. I’ve been surviving on my own just fine without your help. Don’t act like I’m some charity case that needs your help.”

“Parker, you know he didn’t mean it that way.” Sam says in a placating tone.

Something snaps in Parker, “FUCK! What the FUCK do you want me to say!? I’m exhausted? I’m dead tired? I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks? There! Now what? How the fuck does that help anyone??”

She is greeted with resounding silence. “I fucking thought so, now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going out.”

“Parker, where are you going?” Sam asks anxiously.

“Out.” She bites out before slamming the door in their faces.

Falling back on old habits, Parker hightailed it to the nearest pharmacy. She looked around for a second before finding exactly what she needed. She slapped the bottle of sleeping pills, salt, a box cutter, and her credit card on the counter and ignored the glare the woman was giving her. ‘The woman only has one job, there’s no need for her to take this long. She is the only thing standing between me and sleep.’ Parker thinks to herself bitterly.

Bleary eyed and ready for bed, Parker returns to the motel lobby and again slaps the card against the counter. Instead of any type of sass, the clerk looks at her uninterested and drones on, “How many nights?”

“One. Please. Away from neighbors” She states, “I’m a screamer.” She adds with a small smile and a saucy look hoping he’ll heed her warning. After all, it’s not exactly a lie.

 He gives her a look that says, ‘I’m too old for this shit’ and continues to type on his keyboard. “Room number 109.” He states monotonously while holding up a key.

“Thanks” She says and all but rushes to her room.

Popping two pills in her mouth, she chases them down with a swig of water and continues with this portion of her ritual. As she waits for the pills to take effect, she dead bolts the door and piles the dining set in front of it to keep out unwanted guests. Next, she salts the doors and windows to keep out unwanted demonic guests. Satisfied with her work, she snuggles into bed praying she’ll get enough sleep to stave off insanity.

The problem with her warped mind wasn’t only the fact that she couldn’t fall asleep, but also the accompanying nightmares that seemed to come hand in hand with sleep. Anytime she was blessed enough for a few hours of shut eye, that time would also be plagued with nightmares. Not the irrational kind either. These nightmares are the embodiment of two truths and a lie. Every fictional aspect within the dream was accompanied by real truths of her past. This results in nightmares reflecting horrors that only her subconscious could come up with.

After awaking for the fifth time with a start, Parker sat up in bed staring at the bag bought at the pharmacy. In a numb daze, she walks to the bag and fishes out the box cutter. She trudges to the bathroom and sits against the tub’s ledge.

Like an addict, she clicks the blade out and lazily drags it against the skin of her stomach. Not enough pressure to break the skin but just enough to light her nerves on fire. A trail of goosebumps indicates a map of where the pressed metal has been as Parker fights to feel something; anything. With a steady and firm pressure, she drags the blade against her flesh watching red bloom against her skin. Again and again, Parker drags the blade along the familiar path reveling in the feeling of something.

Like a burst dam, the tears flow freely from her face as the emotions catch up with her body. She drops the blade and sobs into her knees as the faces of all the people she couldn’t save bombards her mind. Soon, her sobs slow and her mind floats into obscurity.

….

Heavy fists pounding at the door wrenches her out of her dreamless sleep. She heaves a sigh and lifts herself off the bathroom floor. Automatically knowing how the scenario is going to play out, she locks the bathroom door and begins to quickly clean the dried blood on herself and the floor. A moment goes by and the front door is smashed open, or at least that’s what it sounds like. The sound of boots stomping across the floor is the prelude to the chorus of fists at the bathroom door.

“PARKER! Are you okay!? Talk to me! Open the door!” One of the boys shouted out.

“You open that door and I will murder you. Sit down and shut up.” Parker grinds out. Mornings truly have never been her favorite time of day, but being awoken after weeks of minimal sleep was sure to put anyone in a bad mood.

She catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror, ‘Good Lord, I look like death.’

Granted, she did feel considerably better than she looked. Her mind felt sharper, she had more energy, and her head didn’t feel like it was swimming in oil. She still felt slightly dizzy, however that could be explained by the blood loss, pills, or the lack of food. The jury is still out as to which one.

Quickly, she cleans up the rest of the blood, stashes the blade with the bloodied towels under the sink, and mentally prepares to face the Winchester inquisition.

She meets their confused, worried looks and heads straight for the bed. She falls head first into the pillows and mutters into them, “Can we pick this up in an hour?”

“No we can’t, you need to tell us what’s going on now!” Dean commands.

“Seriously Parker, we need to talk about this.” Sam says motioning to the room.

“What’s there to talk about? I needed sleep, I got sleep. I actually think this is the opposite of a problem. Most would even think of it as a solution.” Parker snipes.

“Stuffing your face with sleeping pills isn’t a solution!” Dean all but shouts.

“Not sleeping isn’t a solution either!” Parker shouts back, slightly muffled by the pillow.

Dean storms out of the room and slams the door. Parker and Sam sit in awkward silence.

The red haze over Parker’s eyes begin to fade and finally she’s able to speak more calmly. She sits up and faces Sam, “Listen, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you guys. It’s just something I used to do when I was hunting alone.”

Sam’s face contorts to one of frustrated concern, “You’re not alone anymore. You can’t just shut us out and run off. Do you know how worried we were?”

Parker’s face turns a pink hue as she digests the thought. “I’m sorry, I hadn’t even thought about what you guys would do.”

Before another word could be spoken, Dean bursts back into the room, “Get you stuff. We’re leaving.”

“What?” Both Sam and Parker ask in unison.

“What about the hunt?” Sam asks.

“I called in a favor. We’re leaving.” Dean states.

“Why are we leaving? Where are we going?” Parker asks indignantly.

“You’ll find out when we get there. In. The. Car. Now.” Dean grinds out.

With a huff, Parker gets off the bed and stomps out of the room. “Treating me like a child. I’ll SHOW you how a child acts.” Parker mutters angrily.


	6. The Realest

During the whole trip no one dared say a word, it was tense to say the least. Parker sat in the back seat staring blankly out the window mulling over the last few days. ‘I was being irrational. I shouldn’t have yelled at them. They were just worried. Why do I always speak before I think? I should apologize.’ Parker silently sighs at the last thought.

Just as she’s about to say something, a familiar sight catches her eye. “Bobby?” Parker blurts out.

Even before the car fully stops, Parker flings herself out of the car and into the waiting arms of Bobby. He was an old family friend back whenever dad was alive and the Winchesters had a habit of visiting him during their off time. There is no one on the earth more like family than Bobby.

 “Hey kid.” Bobby says while embracing Parker.

“Hey” She replies while clutching onto him.

Sensing the guys behind her, she reluctantly releases him from her chokehold. They each take turns hugging the older man before heading inside. As per their ritual, beers are passed out and a soda for Parker.

While seated at the table, Dean abruptly says “Bobby, we need your help.”

Both Parker and Sam look to Dean with confused expressions. Bobby’s eyes studies their reactions and looks back to Dean.

“Well? Spit it out.” Bobby remarks while taking a sip of his beer.

“Parker isn’t sleeping.” Dean blurts out.

Parker’s facial expression morphs from confusion to pure fury within a split second. “DEAN!” Parker screams.

“I gave you the option to tell us what’s going on but you refused!” Dean says with his hands up.

“I TOLD you! There’s no point!” Parker shoves a hand through her hair.

“Okay, settle down you two. Dean, Sam, go get us something for dinner.” Bobby mediates.

With a glare from Dean and a pitying glance from Sam, both Bobby and Parker are left alone. Parker rests her head on the table dreading every second of the conversation that has yet to happen. Bobby lets out a sigh and sits back in his chair.

“Kid, how long have I known you?” He asks.

“Years.” Parker mutters to the table.

“So what makes you think you could have hidden something like that from me? I saw it as soon as you jumped out of the car.”

Parker responds by groaning into the table.

“You going to tell me what’s wrong or do I have to drag it out of you?”

“I just don’t understand why everyone is so hell bent on me admitting I can’t sleep! What good does that do for anyone?” Parker groans.

“For starters, it gives the boys a heads up if they need to keep an eye on you.” Bobby responds evenly.

Parker lifts her head up and spreads her arms in frustration, “That’s my point! I’m fine! It’s happened before, it’ll happen again. Regardless, I can still fight just fine!”

Bobby lifts an eyebrow at her vehement argument. “I know your daddy isn’t here anymore but that doesn’t mean you’re alone.” He says somberly.

“It’s just. Hard.” Parker sighs wearily.

“I know.” Bobby opens up his arms inviting her.

Without hesitation, Parker walks over and cuddles into his arms and inhales his scent. Parker and Bobby have an unspoken rule. No one ever sees or hears of these talks they have in regards to emotions. Not that he would ever admit to them; he’d go to his grave denying they ever existed. It was something they both could agree upon. They both wanted to keep the fact that they had emotions hidden from the rest of the world. It was none of the world’s business.

With one last squeeze, Parker withdraws from Bobby, “Thanks, I’m going to go to bed.”

“You sure? The boys will be back with food.” Bobby questions with a raised brow.

“Yeah, I’m not hungry.” She says as she climbs the stairs.

…

Dean and Sam come back in arms filled with food.

“So?” Dean asks impatiently.

“So what?” Bobby asks while fishing through the bags.

“How did everything go?”

“How do you think?”

Both Sam and Dean stop to look at Bobby with confusion clear on their faces. Bobby heaves a sigh while munching on his food.

“Dean, did you ever tell me or Sam when you weren’t sleeping?”

Dean simply looks confused at the change of topic, “I don’t understand.”

“Parker is more like you than you know it. She doesn’t want to drag you boys down so she’s hiding things from you. Sound familiar?”

“So, what do we do?” Sam gently asks.

“Same thing you did with Dean, just power through and be there to pick her up if she falls.”

A beat of silence extends as they comprehend what has been said.

“Okay, thanks Dr. Phil.” Dean sassed still feeling miffed at being the example.

“Idjit.” Bobby retorts.

…

‘This is a dream, I know it’s a dream.’ Parker thinks as she looks around Bobby’s house. It looks similar but everything isn’t quite… right. It’s almost as if everything is blurry or just slightly out of focus.

Parker turns a corner and almost slams into the back of Bobby. “Shit, sorry…” The apology dies on her lips when Bobby turns around with a machete sticking out of his head. The blood is steadily flowing from the wound surrounding them with the overwhelming smell of blood.

“This is your fault. YOU led him here.” Bobby screams at her.

Parker grabs her hair and begins to scream, “No. This is a dream. This is a dream. WAKE UP!”

A grab at her hair yanks Parker’s head up and into the eyes of Dean. “Haven’t you done enough!?”

Parker’s hands fly up to grasp Dean’s in attempts to free her hair. “Let me go! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!!”

“Come on.” Dean growls as he drags her to the front door. He opens the door and shoves her face first to the ground. “Look around, look at what you’ve done.”

Parker blinks through the tears and is shocked as to what she sees. Graves, thousands of graves littering the ground extending as far as the horizon.

“Parker, Wake up.” Bobby orders.

The yard morphs back into the upstairs bedroom of Bobby’s house. Her vision belatedly registers Bobby’s concerned face.

“What’s wrong?” Parker rasps feigning ignorance.

“Do you need anything? You look green.” Bobby asks worriedly partly out of concern for her and concern for his sheets.

Parker took a breath to coax her stomach back down to its rightful position. Vomiting bile was not a pleasant experience. The bed dipped beside her and a warm hand began to rub circles along her back. Exhausted, Parker rested her forehead on Bobby’s shoulder trying to calm herself.

The next thing she knows, she is lying on Bobby’s lap feeling rested. ‘The fuck?’ Parker thinks confounded.

Slowly she sits up and looks to Bobby for answers.

“Bout time you got up, my leg is numb. You have a heavy head.” Bobby mutters from behind a book leaning against the headboard.

“What the fuck?” Parker blurts.

Bobby frowns at her from atop the book saying, ‘language’ with his eyes.

Parker ignores his look, “Did you drug me?”

“Nope, you fell asleep.”

“That’s not possible.” Parker springs up from the bed placing as much distance as she can between her and ‘Bobby’.

Bobby closes the book and openly stares at her with a bewildered expression, “You doing alright there kid?”

“Wait, this isn’t a dream…?” Parker asks.

“As far as I’m aware. Would be a sucky dream if it were.”  Bobby states before walking back downstairs.

Parker sits on the ground absorbing the last five minutes of her life. ‘I slept after a nightmare. I actually slept after a nightmare.’

“Hey, Bobby told me to tell you breakfast… You okay?” Sam asks soothingly looking at her on the ground.

Parker’s glazed over look fades into a smile, “Yeah, never been better.”

 

 


	7. Young and Dumb

Parker skips into the kitchen and swipes a piece of toast from Dean’s plate earning an irritated glance from Dean. “What’s got you all excited?” Dean grumbles while finishing what’s left of his breakfast.

“I just feel great! There’s nothing like sleeping in an actual bed that’s not covered in bodily fluids.” Parker beams. Which is more or less true. Truth is, Bobby has been helping her sleep for the last several nights; not that he’d ever admit to it. She still experienced the usual nightmare she’s come to expect every night, however Bobby always came in to sooth her back to sleep. There is something about his scent and touch that chases the nightmares away.

Dean grimaces at the thought of the motel mattresses. “Hey, we have another hunt. Will you be ready to leave in an hour?” Dean asks between bites.

Parker’s smile falls along with the hand that’s holding the toast. “Oh, already?”

All good things come to an end, huh?

Dean studies her face for a moment. “You know, we could always take this job but swing back for you a few days afterwards.”

Parker’s face rises slightly, “No, it’s fine! I was just being lazy, haha. I’ll go pack now.”

She scurries off to pack but gives herself a moment to sulk. ‘I’ve just started to actually get some real sleep AND I’ve been able to eat. Why couldn’t we have stayed for a few more days?’ Parker lets out another sigh as her logic kicks in, ‘I’ve had more than enough food and sleep to recover back to 100%. I haven’t woken up screaming in a while. Leaving now works out just fine. I need to stop being so selfish.’

The sound of someone stopping outside of her door pauses Parker’s packing. Bobby looks at her assessingly, “You going to be alright kid?”

Parker gives him a reassuring smile, “Yeah, the nightmares are gone. I feel great!”

Bobby looks as if he wants to call her out but he relents, “Okay. Just... Don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

Parker walks over and squeezes him for both his reassurance and her own. Surviving is what she does best.

…

With every mile, she can feel it. The airy feeling of bliss is slowly being replaced with dread and fear. The comfort and predictability of Bobby’s is dissipating like the dust behind the car. She’s not necessarily frightened of the upcoming hunt or even the monster but the sheer terror the unknown can bring has set her on edge. Sam and Dean will always be her big brothers and Parker knows they will always have her back just as she has theirs but the unpredictability of the hunt sets her teeth on edge.

As soon as they arrive, they all split up as per their usual routine. Dean goes to interview the victims’ families, Sam inspects what is left of the victim, and Parker researches from the motel. Throughout the day, Parker receives calls from both of them and they are eventually able to pinpoint the cause to a Minotaur, weird but not completely unheard of in the States.

Exhausted, Parker falls back onto the bed and debates on whether or not to sleep. Before she could make a decision, the door opens bringing with it an aroma of Thai food.

“Sleeping on the job. Tsk tsk.” Sam teases.

“If you hand over the Pad Tai I’ll give you the three possible locations the Minotaur could be hiding out.” Parker shoots back with her hands outstretched.

A moment later, a styrofoam box is placed in her hand and she rolls up to eat it. “The old church back on 4th, the warehouses near the highway, or the rundown theater downtown are probably where it’s hiding out. Where’s Dean?” she asks in between chews.

“Don’t speak with your mouth full. He said he wanted to check out a few possible locations first.” Sam says while absentmindedly typing away.

Parker nods and continues on munching. Lost in her own thoughts, Parker doesn’t notice Sam staring until he suddenly asks her a question. “How did you cope with your insomnia when you were alone?”

“That’s random,” Parker chokes, “what makes you ask?”

He gives a noncommittal shrug, “Curiosity mostly.”

“Well, for the most part I’d either take sleeping pills or hunt until I dropped.”

Sam looks lost in thought for a moment, “Like when we first found you?”

“Yup.” Parker says hoping to end this weird, awkward conversation.

Thinking the conversation over, Parker finishes the last of her food only to choke when Sam asks another question. “How did Bobby help you sleep?”

Coughing profusely, Sam rushes to hand her a glass of water before she chokes. “Thanks,” Parker groans out, “What makes you ask that??”

Sam takes a seat beside her on the bed, “You just look well rested in comparison to when we arrived.”

“Oh, I suppose it was just the familiar surroundings that helped.”

Not a lie, more like a half truth. The other half of the truth was the fact that Bobby would let her sleep on his lap if she were having trouble falling back to sleep. It’s a half truth she didn’t think Bobby would mind her telling.

“What’s up the interrogation?” Parker asks curling her legs to her chest.

Sam looks as if he wasn’t going to answer for a moment. “The night you woke us up and when we couldn’t find you were the scared both Dean and I have been in a long time.” Sam says lightly, “We can’t help but worry sometimes, you know?”

A warmth fills her chest along with a dryness to her throat. It’s been far too long since she’s felt this cherished. Without her permission, a tear falls down. She learned at a very early age that the world is a cold and ugly place. It was nice to get a reminder of how the world was before her parents died.

Parker lies back on the bed and drapes a hand over her eyes to help stem the flow of tears. The years of repressed memories and emotions seemed to be bursting out of her at the very moment with no signs of stopping.

Sam looks shell-shocked until his nurturing side comes out. Sensing her need for comfort, Sam reaches out to Parker. “Hey, c’mere.” He says urging her into his lap, “It’s okay, everything’s okay.”

Sam starts to stroke her hair and mutters comforting words. The rumbling syllables reverberate through her chest and begin to calm her down. Getting in touch with her baser instincts, Parker buries her face in Sam’s neck and allows herself to be comforted in his embrace. She’ll deal with her feelings of mortification later, but for now she’ll stay in the moment.

The door opens and immediately Dean is by their sides looking worried and slightly freaked out. “What happened? Are you okay? Where are you hurt?” Dean pries her face from Sam’s shoulder to look her in the eyes. Dean uses his sleeve to wipe off the tears from her face.

Parker sniffles attempting to rein in her raging emotions, “I’m okay, I’m fine.”

Dean gives her a baffled look. Parker pushes off Sam’s lap and wipes her face.

“No, really I’m fine. Just typical monthly hormones running rampant.” Parker grabs her shower bag, “I’m going to take a shower.” Scurrying to the bathroom, Parker locks it and tries to prolong the feelings of embarrassment edging at her mind.

She rests her head against the shower wall letting the water cascade against her hair. It’s at that moment her inner cynic decides to make itself known. ‘Look at you, crying like a child. How old are you? The only reason they are worried is because you’ll get them killed if you’re not paying attention. Get over yourself. They don’t need you, you’re a charity case.’

Parker grabs her razor and draws two lines on her skin for the thoughts to stop swirling in her head. Another two lines are made to silence her emotions.  Two final lines are made to quell her guilt for crying all over the boys. By the time her shower is over, she can breathe again.

It takes a moment to gather the courage to step back into the main room but she eventually is able to. Sam is at the dining table typing away at the computer while Dean is lounging on the couch watching TV. Sam spares her a glance, “Better?”

Parker flushes and mutely nods as she loses herself in her work willing the memories to get lost as well.


	8. Someone Who Does

Parker awakens to the sunlight streaming through the curtains along with a note propped on the pillow next to her. She doesn’t need to read the note to know what it says. Out of habit, she glances through the note, ‘We left to hunt the Minotaur but we didn’t want to wake you. Money is on the table for food. Be safe.’

She rolls her eyes. While it was nice that they were letting her catch up on her sleep, she would have preferred they woke her up. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of waking up to an empty room and a lone note. It feels far too close to a one night stand. She shivers in disgust.

She crumples the note and tosses it away. They truly use every excuse in the book to prevent her from hunting with them. When they can get away with it, they slip out while she’s sleeping or they face the risk of arguing until Parker gets her way. They know she’s a good hunter but they sometimes go overboard with their caveman mentality.

Sighing to herself, Parker grabs the money and heads out to get an early brunch. She walks to the nearest diner and finds a booth closest to the door. A habit she’s picked up from Dad, easy exit just in case things get tricky.

Slowly the afternoon crowd files into the diner and service starts to slow. The waiter hands her the plate with a tight smile before rushing back to meet the demands of the crowd. Amid her eating, something catches her eye. Her gaze hones into a lone set of eyes.

It only takes her a moment to connect the eyes to the event she’s tried very hard to forget. Her eyes shoot down to the burger on the plate, her stomach starting to churn in knots. Her breathing begins to come out in small fits and her hands won’t obey her any longer.

‘It’s okay, it’s not him. I’m fine. He’s not here, my eyes are just playing tricks on me. He wouldn’t be here.’ Parker tries to restrain her panic.

With a breath of courage, Parker confidently looks back up to where she thinks she saw the eyes only to be met with an empty stool. Relief rushes through her body turning her tense muscles into jelly. She crumples onto the table with relief.

A pair of shoes peeks into her vision and she looks up to the concerned looking waiter.

“Everything alright?” He asks almost in a concerned rush.

“Yeah,” Parker looks to the burger, which is starting to turn her stomach, in disgust, “Actually, can I get this to go?”

Placated, the waiter nods and bustles to get her a box and check.

On shaky legs, Parker leaves the diner with mixed feelings. On one hand she’s glad her mind was just making things up, on the other hand, it was a reality check. THAT monster is still walking around free and unscathed.

Parker returns to the motel and falls face-first into the mattress burying her face and the memories that have decided to make an appearance.

Dean and Sam weren’t the first hunters to find her. After escaping the children’s home, Parker was on her own, learning quickly that solo hunting is hard work. During one particularly difficult hunt, she happened to run into another hunter, Chad Smythe. Seeing him as her metaphorical knight in shining armor, Parker decided to team up.

Chad was helpful when he was hunting but once the hunt was over, Parker’s problems started. Something changed in him; it was as if a switch was flipped on in his brain. Parker noticed one minute too late. Before she could get away, he attacked her and left her bloody and broken in an alleyway.

She shivers in revulsion at the vile memories.

The boys enter a moment after, mumbling their ‘hellos’ and depositing their food on the table. They both clean up quickly before settling down at the cramped kitchenette.

“You hungry? We got some extra for you.” Dean says with a mouth full of food.

Sam stops eating for a moment, “Parker, you feeling okay? You look pale.”

She gives him a small smile, “Yeah, I think so.” A whiff of the greasy fast food travels to her nose making her stomach cramp in revulsion, “Actually no. I think the diner gave me food poisoning.”

A slight groan escapes her mouth as her stomach gives another unhappy churn. Food poisoning was supposed to be an excuse however it’s starting to feel like the truth. What was that proverb? Be careful of what you wish for?

Sam heads towards the bathroom while Dean settles down at the table.

“Did you get it?” Parker asks attempting to tune out her body.

“Yeah, somehow.” Dean bitterly notes.

Sam reappears with a damp cool cloth and places it across Parker’s forehead. “Thanks Sam.” She glances up in appreciation, “What do you mean?” She questions Dean.

Sam answers for him, “We ran into some trouble but luckily Bobby had a contact who was hunting the same thing.”

Dean piggybacks on the conversation, “Even with three of us, we barely made it back in one piece.”

“Hmm” Parker comments noncommittally dragging the cloth over her eyes, “Almost sounds like you could have used my help back there. Go figure.”

She smirks at the sounds of their groans and sighs and imagines the accompanying eye rolls.

Several minutes later, Dean receives a text.

 “What is it?” Sam asks.

“Want to go?” Dean responds showing him the cell phone screen.

Sam glances at Parker, “I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“I don’t know what you two are planning, but if it gets you both out of here with that food, I highly encourage it. I’m seriously about to start vomiting if I have to smell your food for much longer.” Parker gripes.

Sam reappears above Parker with a fresh washcloth. “You sure you’ll be okay here alone?”

Parker gives him a grin, “Thanks, and yes, I’ll be fine. Go have fun.”

…

Several hours later, Parker’s stomach decided to give her a reprieve. She gets up and stretches her aching muscles before shooting a text to Dean.

‘Hey, you guys still at the bar?’

‘Yeah, why? Whats up?’

‘Mind if I join? I’m hungry.’

‘Yeah, come on over’

Shutting her phone, Parker walks over a few blocks to the only bar in town.

“Hey” She calls out to the men in the booth.

“Hey, feeling better?” Dean asks between sips of his beer.

“Yeah but I think I’m going to swear off hamburgers for a long while.” Parker mutters while shuddering.

“Hey, you guys want another round? I’m buying.” A man says standing just beside the table.

It’s funny. You often hear songs and books speaking in detail about the aftermath of when your world has crumbled at your feet but no one really speaks about how it feels in the moment. They don’t speak about how the world stops in an instant to an eerily calm, quiet little world. It’s almost the antithesis of a near death moment. You’re trapped in the moment noticing the small details around you. Like how the carpet has frayed in one particular spot near the center of the room or how the label of the beer has become muddled from the condensation. It’s almost as if your brain completely refuses to acknowledge reality.

It takes Parker a moment to gather the courage to look up at the mystery voice but she doesn’t need to. She knows the face already. The face has haunted every nightmare since she’s first laid eyes on him. The snake in shining armor.

Chad Smythe.

Finally, their eyes meet.

“Hello, I’m Chad, nice to meet you.” He says innocently while holding his hand out.

Dean introduces them, “Oh, that’s right, you guys haven’t met. Chad, this is Parker, Parker this is Chad. He was the one who helped us out today.”

Her mind was only screaming one phrase, ‘get out.’ Parker’s mind was rapidly shifting into preservation mode under the pressure of the moment.

Numbly, she looks to his outstretched hand then glances to Dean, “Hey, I’m not feeling well. Excuse me.”

“Parker?” Sam calls out in concern.

Distantly she can hear Dean comfort Chad, “Sorry about that, she hasn’t been feeling well all day.”

Parker, on the other hand, has one goal: to get as far away as humanly possible in the least amount of time.


	9. The Lying Eyes of Miss Erray

Run.

Fight.

Disappear.

Over and over again those words recycle in Parker’s head. No other thoughts could penetrate the cycle of repetition in her head. The teaching of her father, so engrained in her head, they’re her instinctual reaction in times of crisis.

 “Buttercup, you need to be able to outrun anything. You need to run faster.”

“Sweetheart, you need to think through your punches. You need to fight smarter.”

“Honey, you need to learn to disappear in case you can’t fight or run. You need to become invisible.”

Although she learned to disassemble a gun the same time her peers were learning to ride a bike, it wasn’t a bad life. Twisted, perhaps, but not bad. Her dad’s love for her mom kept him hunting but his love for her kept him grounded.

Years on the road produced a hunter well adept at destroying monsters. Nothing, however, could have prepared her to face a monster in human’s clothing; especially not a second time.

…

Mile after mile, the lead feeling in Parker’s legs start to slow her down to a brisk pace. Her mind is a mess. One side of her brain is formulating a plan to disappear while the other side focused on every minute detail of the road to avoid thinking of him. A quick detour to the public library gives her a moment to breathe and concentrate on her plan.

She gravitates towards the top floor and finds a perch overlooking the library; hidden from view. With eyes closed, Parker takes a deep breath and revels in the smell of the books around her. The aroma brings with it equal senses of dread and peace from the memories of past hunts.

 ‘Plan. I need a plan.’ Parker runs a hand through her hair before audibly sighing, ‘This is such an idiotic situation. I’M such an idiot. I shouldn’t have ever joined them and none of this should have even happened. Focus. Plan. First things first, I need to leave this town. Plane, rental, and hijacking are too easy to track so those are out of question. Bus is the most ideal method but they’ll be expecting it. This leaves train, walking, or hitchhiking…’ Parker counts the cash she has on hand, ‘And hitchhiking it is.’

She crawls out of her secluded perch and finds the travel section of the library. A map of the USA catches her eye and she reverts back to her trusty method of decision making. With eyes closed, Parker circles her finger over the map and drops it randomly. California is the state staring back at her when she opens her eyes.

After some rudimentary research, she finds and writes down the fastest routes for her road trip. ‘Okay, I’ve got the ‘where’ but I need money and supplies. It’s safe to assume I’m being tracked. The moment I use any of my cards or aliases I’ll be found. At best I’ll have 30 minutes, least only 5 minutes. I could try to counter track them but since I don’t have my software or laptop it’ll probably bite me in the ass.’

Parker rubs her head at the migraine beginning to fester beneath the surface, ‘I need a diversion. I can get money but I just need to divert their attention.’ She finds a seat and quickly draws up a basic plan choosing to improvise the finer details as they arise.

She glances at her phone screen to check the time, ’11:48PM. That should give me enough time to catch the midnight bus.’

She shakes off her fatigue and jogs to the bus station. From the corner of her eye she spots a camera. ‘Subtly obvious is what I’m going for.’ Parker briefs herself. She makes direct eye contact with the camera for a moment but whips her head away while pulling up her hoodie. Brusquely she walks up to the ticket counter looking as fidgety as possible. Before purchasing the farthest ticket from California, she withdraws the maximum amount of cash allowed and gives the ATM another mugshot for the boys to follow.

Finally satisfied that she’s left enough crumbs, Parker finds a seat on the bus and settles in for a moment. ‘The ATM withdrawal should signal any alerts on my accounts and the video footage should lead them to the bus. Now, I need insurance.’

With a heavy heart, Parker stares at the phone in her hand; her last piece of home. Clothes, electronics, hunting gear, it can all be replaced but her phone holds the only pictures she has of her family. Sure, her laptop holds the back up of these pictures but going back to the bunker isn’t a viable option.

‘Survival. I’m doing this to survive. I’ll always have my memories.’ Parker gives the phone a discreet kiss before stuffing it into the cushions of the bus. She stays and rides for 10 minutes before slowly making her way to the front of the bus.

“Ma’am, please return to your seat.” The bus driver tiredly snaps.

“Sir,” Parker uses her best ‘pity me’ face, “I’m not feeling too well. I know it’s probably a breach of protocol but may I get off here?”

The man grimaces at the sight of her, “Fine. But if you want a refund talk to the bus station.”

 ‘Smart decision,’ thinks Parker, ‘I learned how to make myself vomit in the second grade.’ As the bus comes to a halt, she slips off her hoodie and ties it around her waist in attempts to hide in plain sight as it were.

With each step the mind numbing arguing between her instincts and body were starting to take its toll. While her body screamed to find a place to rest her instincts insisted on getting away as soon as possible. Like a referee in a fight, a pair of headlights shines in the distance halting the arguing. ‘I may not be able to go to sleep in the car but it’s still better than walking.’

Parker sticks her thumb out to attract the attention of the driver. The car approaches slowly and it’s with some apprehension that Parker notices the ‘car’ is a rather large van with no windows in the back. Just as she is about to book it, the window rolls down releasing a cloud of smoke and a friendly woman’s face appears amid it.

“Hi there honey, whatcha doing out in the middle of the road so late? Need a ride?” The woman asks slowly with confusion written all over her face.

All apprehension leaves Parker’s body when she smells the weed radiating in waves around the car. While druggies can be dangerous, potheads tend to be as friendly as they come. “Yes please!” Parker almost moans.

Another head pops out of nowhere behind the woman, “Hey there! C’mon in!” The man says, slightly more lucid than the woman.

Parker grasps the handle and yanks it open to find a whole new smoke filled world. The interior has been gutted out and transformed into a miniature hippy living room complete with shag carpet. The woman turns in her seat, “So where ya headed honey?”

Parker glances at the miniature lava lamp on the dash, “Anywhere the wind will take me, I suppose. Although, I’m hoping the wind will take me close to California.”

The woman just grins, “We got you honey.”

Light, friendly conversation is shared between the three until they get just before the city limits. A quick stop for “snacks and stuff” leads them to a sketchy looking gas station. To avoid getting caught up in potential illegal activity, Parker leaves them to get their ‘supplies’ while she stops by the restroom.

The moment she steps foot into the bathroom, she realizes her mistake. The risk of getting caught by the police would have been better than going alone, unprotected, and exhausted. As soon as the door to the bathroom was opened, she was greeted by a hand to the throat.


	10. Escalators

“Why, hello there.” Chad said casually while pinning Parker against the side of the bathroom. “Mmm, isn’t this a familiar scene?” He asks while grinding his front against her back.

Parker’s throat started to close as the iron chokehold of fear came over her. ‘Not again, please, not again.’ As if the hell she’d already gone through hadn’t been enough. Frozen in terror, Parker could do little else except desperately try to flee her own mind.

“That’s right baby, just take it.” Chad moans in her ear.

In that moment something within Parker snapped. A renewed source of strength began to rush through her system giving her the needed boost to fight. She was NOT going through this again. Never again.

Immediately Parker lifts both legs to her chest forcing Chad to support her full body weight. Parker hung momentarily but was eventually dropped to the floor. When her feet connected with the floor, Parker launched herself back up towards Chad focusing the total of her force to the bottom of his chin.

The resulting hit caused an explosion of white static in Parker’s vision along with an intense bout of vertigo. Despite the pain, she could feel that she was free. Parker crawled, stumbled, and ran as fast as she could without another thought.

A flash of metal permeated her vision giving Parker a devious idea. Fueled by adrenaline and vengeance, Parker began to hot wire Chad’s car glancing occasionally to ensure she was caught by neither Chad nor a bystander.

The sweet roar of the engine sounded to Parker’s relief. “Fuck the consequences, I can deal with them 100 miles from here.” She said to her rear view mirror.

She’d eventually have to switch out the plates and strip it of any personal belongings but it could wait. Escaping was the more pressing matter she had to deal with.

Parker floors it leaving both Chad and the memories associated with him behind.

 Two coffees, an energy drink, one license plate change, and 400 miles later Parker is still driving towards California with no signs of stopping… Well at least emotionally. Physically Parker is exhausted. Lounging on the hotel bed seems to be years ago and not merely hours ago.

‘I can do this.’ Parker chants to herself. She glances at the car’s clock then back at the dark, desolate highway, ‘5:10. Just a few more hours and the sun will be up. I can make it until then. I can do this.’ Her eyes blink slower and slower until they’re fully closed. The car begins to drift towards the edge of the road but the rumble strips abruptly returns Parker back to consciousness. Parker jerks the steering wheel back onto the road, however her overcorrection leads her straight to the opposite guard rail.

…

“Ma’am.”

“Ma’am!”

 A firm shake wakes Parker up with a start. Parker reaches for her nonexistent weapon but stops when the glint of a badge catches her eye. ‘Shit. Cops.’ Parker almost groans audibly.

“Yes sir?” Parker meets the officer’s eyes with an innocent gaze while her heart is beating a million miles a second. She is painfully aware of the ramifications if things don’t go as smoothly as possible.

“I’m going to need you to step out of the vehicle.” The cop says with a guarded expression.

“Yes sir.” Parker immediately responds.

She mentally takes stock of any injuries, ‘Throat and neck feels sore and my head is woozy. Nothing major though.’ As she clumsily climbs out of the car, she’s surprised to see the right side of the car firmly wedged against the guard rail. ‘How the hell did I sleep through that…?’

 The officer notices her stumbling, “Ma’am, have you had anything to drink this morning?”

“No sir, I’m just a little dizzy. I was roadtripping to see my uncle in California and wanted to make it as soon as possible.” Parker glances at the wrecked car, “Guess I should have scheduled in a few stops in between.”

He lifts an eyebrow as if assessing the honesty of her statement. “Yes, yes you should have. You could have hurt yourself or even someone else. License and registration please.”

‘Shit. I don’t have a license. Fuck! I don’t have a registration for this car either! How the FUCK am I going to get out of this situation?? What’s the penalty for not having a license? If I start crying will he overlook the fact that I don’t have a registration? He looks to be too much of a hardass for crying to work. It doesn’t matter the plates have been changed so they shouldn’t be able… They’re fake plates. How many years is that already!?’ Parker frantically begins to think while paralyzed in place.

The officer sees her face drop and the color drain and he instinctually reaches out an arm to hold her upright. Impulse takes over for Parker and without hesitation; Parker reaches out, meets his hand, twists it, and sweeps his legs from underneath him. The dumbfounded officer looks up to her from the ground with an almost visible veil of red blanketing his face.

As if her hands were burned, Parker holds them up in a pacifying manner, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean… I’m so sorry.” She says with tears beginning to form in her eyes while backing away slowly.

A second police officer emerges from the car and grabs her neck and pins her to the hood of her car. As Parker struggles to get a hold of her past memories she hears the cop saying, “You have the right to remain silent…”

“Get off me, GET OFF ME!!” The hysterical shrill of her voice is choked by the myriad of tears flooding her face. Both officers restrain her, cuff her, and have her locked within the back of the vehicle with minimal effort on their part.

With nothing else to do, Parker just curls up in the back and lets the tears flow.


	11. The Quick Fix

“Listen kid, we’re not the bad guys here, we just want to know a few things.” The cop, also apparently the ‘good cop’ in this scenario, with the deep voice said.

“You need to tell us where you got the car, why there were weapons in there, and were you got the fake plates.” The cop, aka ‘bad cop’, with the shrill man voice said.

 As a response, she said the same thing she’d been saying for hours, absolutely nothing. She hadn’t said a word nor did she make any eye contact with the men. For the last few hours she sat like a statue enduring the interrogation sessions. Most people would be singing for a lawyer but she knows better. There is no saving her from this mess. The only option possible, is the option she’s been taking for the past two days: Escape.

“Are you listening!?” Bad cop screeched.

A hand appeared in her vision to slap the table. She flinched back so hard, she was afraid she’d knock the chair over. For the first time, she took a good look at the two men’s faces. The man with the shrill voice looked exactly as he sounded. Short, white, buzz cut hair style, with a small gold chain around his neck. ‘Probably looking for a big bust for a promotion. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was dirty as well, planting evidence here and there. How screwed am I?’ Parker thought to herself.

The other man was perplexing to Parker. Physically he was intimidating as hell, at least 6’, black, bald head, and solidly built. But there was something in his eyes that startled her. A mixture of warmth, concern, and analysis was in his eyes which equally scared and soothed her.

With a firm mental slap, Parker returned her eyes to the edge of the table. She didn’t have the time to study them. An escape route needed to be planned and executed before they took her into her cell. She tunes out the obvious conspiratorial whispering across the table but is startled into looking up again when the door slams revealing she’s alone with the good cop. Escape plans take a backburner while the imminent danger floats to the forefront of her mind.

There was a pregnant moment of silence within the room before the cop starts talking, “Little one, may I ask you a question?” The lack of response didn’t faze him as he continued on, “Were you sexually assaulted?”

“No!” Parker blurted out defensively. Apparently just the words ‘sexual assault’ can break her resolve.

A thin sheen of sweat seemingly appears on her skin. The shock radiating from her was almost palpable. ‘How does he know? I didn’t say ANYTHING! Although it doesn’t help that I practically confirmed his suspicions. Stupid. STUPID!’

‘Good cop’ assessed her for a moment with his sharp eyes. “From that reaction, some people would think differently. Was it recent? If it was we need to act quickly to capture DNA evidence.” He says firmly with a hint of compassion.

“I’m fine.” Parker bites out willing the conversation to be over. The past few days had dug up every skeleton she buried long ago and ever since she’s been trying hard to rebury them. Reminders at every turn weren’t helping things.

Parker lays her head back and closes her eyes praying to black out from reality and her own mind. Something, anything for a reprieve. Before anything else could be said, a slammed door catches both of their attentions once again. Bad cop stomps in with nothing short of fury radiating from his face.

“You’re fucking free to go, you scum.” Bad cop practically spits in her face.

On an average day, Parker would have her own retort but if history has proven anything within the last few days it’s that this is not an average day. The circumstances surrounding her arrest were damning. No cop in their right mind would let her go, which means there is a good chance there’s hunter involvement.

The once warm blood starts to run like ice in her veins as the fear begins to choke out her rational thought. ‘If this is a hunter, I need to know who and what they want.’ Before she could over think the matter any further, her ‘savior’ was revealed.

“Let’s go, Kid.” Bobby practically growls.

The immense joy and relief that Parker felt was forcefully suppressed by feelings of resentment and apprehension. While she knew where Sam and Dean stood in this cluster fuck of a situation, Bobby was a wildcard.

The conflicting emotions must have showed on her face as the cop said, “Listen, I don’t know what’s going on but if you ever need help, here’s my card” while sliding his business card towards Parker.

Parker stood and hesitated for a moment before grabbing the card, “Thank you.”

Silently Parker and Bobby left the police station and hopped into one of Bobby’s old pickup trucks. The moment the car doors slammed shut, Bobby began his tirade.

“Kid, do you know how worried I was!? You can’t just up and leave without telling anyone! What was going through your head!? You know what, don’t answer that.” Before he could continue, his phone started to ring, “Yeah? Yes, I have her. Be there soon.”

There were several emotions that should be swirling in her mind: relief, dread, anxiety, but she felt nothing. Numbness caressed her like an old friend seemingly protecting her fragile mind from the overstimulation life had provided. Parker just sat in the seat staring blankly ahead.

Bobby had stopped talking altogether but kept a watchful eye over Parker through his peripheral vision.

By the time they arrived at the hotel, it was almost night time and Parker was so overly physically and emotionally exhausted she didn’t even notice Dean had opened her car door. His furious stare was met with a foggy one. Parker had one goal in life: Get into the nearest bed. The two men lead the way with Parker trailing soundlessly behind. The three of them were greeted at the door by Sam but Parker ghosted past him and straight to the bed in the adjoining room.

Wordlessly, Bobby materializes in front of Parker and nudges her up into a sitting position. Tired of fighting, Parker yields. Bobby takes each shoe off and hands her a tank top to change into like a parent would to a child.

Shocked into silence by the doorway, Dean and Sam watch the interaction with interest until Dean spots something. “What happened to your neck?” He asks as he reaches for it.

At the thought of a hand near her neck Parker instantaneously slaps it away, “No! Don’t TOUCH me!”

Parker is met with three astonished looks at the outburst. Dean slowly withdraws his hand at the wild look in her eyes and takes a hasty step back. Belatedly Parker realizes the tears cascading down her face. Mutely Bobby continues to tuck her into bed before joining Sam and Dean in the other room to discuss the situation as a whole.

“What the hell was that?” Dean asked sounding more pissed by the second.

Bobby seemed to be at a loss for words before he simply muttered, “I have no idea.”

There was a beat of silence before Bobby asked Sam, “You still have Garth’s information?” At Sam’s nod Bobby continued, “Good, I want him to pull up that police footage along with any other footage from that day.”

…

Parker shut her eyes tightly at the intrusive light attempting to filter through her eyelids. Sensing the futile battle, she opened her eyes only to be greeted by the morning sun. Languidly, Parker stretched her aching muscles feeling the full extent of her previous exhaustion. Mid-stretch Parker paused as the information from the past few days began to trickle back into her consciousness. She stilled. She had been avoiding sorting through the information but it was time to pay the piper.

Facts. She needed to sort through the facts. ‘Chad was with the Winchesters and helped them with the hunt. There is no information to back up that they are like _him_ or that they’re friends, they did say that Bobby was the one who knew him… But it also doesn’t prove that they’re not like him. After all, Chad had me fooled at first. Also, where does Bobby fit into all of this? How does he know him?’ Frustrated, Parker rolls over, ‘This should be easy. I should know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I need to run. Why am I having so many doubts?’

“You’re thinking awfully hard over there.” Bobby deadpans from the chair across the room.

It takes Parker a moment to coax her body back into her skin and her heart back to her chest. Regaining what’s left of her composure, Parker gingerly sits up. “Hi Bobby.”

“How ya feelin’ kid?” He asks glancing over a book feigning disinterest.

She makes a mental tally of her injuries. Sore throat, massive headache, stiff neck, and over-fatigued muscles. “Fine.” Parker lies through her teeth still unsure of whom to trust.

The tense atmosphere hangs for a second before Bobby breaks the silence, “You going to tell me whats been going on or am I going to have to drag it out of you?”

Parker falls back into the bed, “Can I just go back to sleep? I don’t want to deal with this right now.”

Bobby sits on the side of the bed, “Kid you’re going to have to deal with life sooner or later, starting with why you took off on Sam and Dean.”

“No, you know what? Why don’t we start off with how you know Chad!?” Parker snaps back giving him a hard glare.

Bobby’s eyes narrow, “Is he the reason you ran? What did he do?”

Parker’s face blanches when she realizes her mistake. Quickly she rolls over and turns to her pillows for comfort, “Nothing. I just want to go to sleep. Please let me sleep.” Parker rolls her eyes and mutters, “A few days ago that’s all you guys wanted me to do. Make up your minds.”

“You can sleep for as long as you’d like… After we have this conversation.”

Parker huffs, “I just wasn’t feeling well. Ask the Winchesters, they’ll tell you the same thing. The restaurant I ate at gave me food poisoning.”

“You weren’t feeling good, so you decided to buy a ticket east, leave your phone on the bus, then hijack a car to drive west? How stupid do you think I am?” Bobby asks dumbfounded.

“I told you I didn’t want to talk about it…” Parker mutters into the pillow desperately searching for a way out of the conversation.

“Fine. Just remember I gave you a chance to explain.” Bobby says ominously before storming out.

An unease settled on Parker’s gut warning her this ending wasn’t going to be a happy one.


	12. Chaos in Motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long (long) wait!! But here it is, one of the last chapters for this series!

Control. Most people can live their day to day lives feeling like they have control of most of their life but that’s not the case at all. The truth of the matter is you only have control of only a fraction of what happens to you. You have no say in how fast time passes, you can’t choose when you die, and you can’t control other people. You’re merely an insignificant body floating in a sea of people being controlled by the currents that life throws at you. So what’s left to control?

The little things. These are the only things we have control over. We can control what time we go to sleep, what we eat, how we dress, when we go out. When life is out of control, the little things help bring a semblance of control.

With unseeing eyes, Parker stares at the doorframe to the connecting motel room. If she had to guess how long she’d been lying there, it’d be around 48 hours. The guys have been keeping their distance just as much as she’s been reclusive, only leaving the comfort of the bed for the bathroom. The best decision for all parties, frankly. Parker didn’t have time for pleasantries, she needed to mentally prepare if Bobby’s ominous warning held any weight.

Parker’s glazed over eyes belatedly notice a bag of food on the nightstand next to her face. It takes several blinks for the logo to come back into focus. Blankly she stares at the bag before deciding the thought of food is repulsive, despite her stomach noting otherwise. With a slight groan, due to protesting muscles, Parker rolls over on the bed to stare out the window. ‘Life is too much effort.’ Parker thinks to herself, ‘I’m tired of fighting, I’m tired of running, and I’m tired of feeling. I can’t. I’m just… I’m just done.’

….

Dean looks to Parker lying in the other room, back faced to the door, unmoving. “She’s not eating, she’s not speaking, and she just lies there all day. I don’t know what to do.” Dean fumes to Sam.

“Keep it down.” Sam quietly snaps glancing at Parker’s curled up form.

“What’s the point? She doesn’t respond anyway!! Probably doesn’t even realize we’re talking to her!” Dean whisper yells back.

Sam sits on the edge of the motel bed dragging a hand through his hair not responding to Dean’s frustrations feeling just as lost and hopeless as his brother. Dean gives up his rant to continue pacing the room as if he could will an answer out of the air.

Without warning, both men shoot up in alert at the sound of the front door being opened yielding an irate looking Bobby. “Where is she?” Bobby grinds out, his eyes promising death to those who oppose him. Stunned, Sam and Dean look to a nearly catatonic Parker. Following their gazes, Bobby storms into Parker’s room.

…

Parker can hear the distant sounds of a commotion but doesn’t bother getting up. What will be will be. Footsteps seem to echo throughout the room until all movement ceases surrounding the bed bringing with it an eerie, unsettling calm. It’s not until the sounds of _that day_ that reality begins to trickle into her consciousness.

“…to act quickly to capture DNA evidence.” The audio from the interrogation room fills the silence and brings a rush of pure terror to Parker. Before her rational mind can understand what is happening, her instincts cause her to throw the laptop across the room and she tries to dive out the window. A pair of strong hands, Bobby’s hands, grips her firmly around the waist and drags her back to the bed and partially back to her rational mind.

The three men stare down at Parker with a myriad of expressions ranging from anger, surprise, concern, and everything in between. Parker stands crouched on the bed, her body in complete fight or flight mode, ready to do whatever necessary to get away.

“Hey, let’s all just sit down and talk about this.” Sam suggests gently with his hands in the air in a placating manner.

Parker’s head whips to Sam with a feral look in her eyes. Her breaths are coming in small pants, her pulse pounding a rhythm audibly urging her to run. The vulnerability and pleading in Sam’s eyes holds her in place and begins to pry her rationality to the forefront of her mind.

It only takes one look at the three men standing around her to confirm her suspicions. They know. There’s a certain mixture of pity and disgust that shows when you tell someone about being a victim of sexual assault. The sideways glances, the hushed whispers, the awkwardness of not addressing the issue; why should she be punished for a crime she didn’t commit!?

It’s not that she didn’t want to tell them at some point, if given enough time she would have told them about it… Eventually... Probably. But not this soon and not like this. She would have eased them into it. Anything to prevent the looks they were giving her now. Not to mention they had too much on their plates to be dealing with her petty bullshit.

Parker sinks down into the bed her head lowering at the same time. She couldn’t take the looks. A heaviness descended upon her chest smothering her breathing.

“Answers. Now.: Dean grinds out. Sam at least acknowledges Dean’s lack of tact, while Bobby has the audacity to look supportive of the interrogation.

With each thrum of her heart, Parker can feel her fear being converted into anger, pure unadulterated anger.  Parker merely grits her teeth and defiantly looks away. They know nothing. She didn’t even know who to trust anymore! Could she actually trust them to keep her safe? Were they working with Chad? What if they were just keeping her there until Chad got to the motel room? Stupid! Why didn’t she think of that before?? While she was lounging in bed Chad could very well be on his way!

Her frantic thoughts must have been showing on her face because Sam gave her a mental slap, “Stop. Parker, whatever you’re thinking about, you need to stop.” He knelt down to her eye-level and gently held her head, “Please, just talk to us.”

Something snaps in Parker and she unleashes all the fury and fear she’s been holding onto. She slaps away Sam’s caressing hand, “No. I don’t need to do jack shit! You three, however, need to stay the FUCK out of my life!” Parker can feel her voice becoming louder and her breaths becoming shorter, “You can’t pretend to care one minute while deceiving me in the next! Tell me, how long do I have before your buddy Chad gets here, huh? HUH?!”  She screams at the awestruck men surrounding her.

Parker’s frantic breathing becomes shallow pants as her world starts to become dark around the edges.

Bobby, without warning, walks to her and crushes her to his chest shushing her softly murmuring “It’s okay” and “Let it all out”.

Feeling her breathing being constricted she tries to fight the bear hold he has on her, “No! Get OFF ME!!” She screams with as much strength she can muster.

As much as she would like to say she hated the feeling of Bobby holding her, instinctually her body recognized Bobby’s paternal touch and calmed down enough to register the wetness she was feeling on her shoulder. Silently, Bobby’s tears were dripping onto her shoulder. Once again, reality started to seep into her panicked state. ‘Why would Bobby react like this if he were working with Chad? Bobby knows a lot of hunters so why is it surprising that he knows Chad? Maybe he’s actually on my side?’

Slowly Parker feels all of her fight leave her body being replaced with sorrow. With each tear running down her face she’s mourning the loss of her parents, her childhood, and her innocence. Unable to hold herself back, she collapses onto Bobby and cries for what seems like an eternity while Bobby murmurs while stroking her hair.

 ……

Intrusive lights once again awaken Parker from her dreamless slumber. With bleary eyes, Parker registers her place in the world. She’s curled up on Bobby’s lap resting on his chest with his hands securely wrapped around her shoulders and waist. Out of nowhere, a tissue appears at her stuffy nose and a muttered “blow” is spoken to her. Parker obliges. Bobby deposits the soiled tissue in the waste basket beside the bed. A cup of water once again appears and another muttered “drink” is commanded. Once again, she obliges.

“Feeling better?” Parker nods mutely. “Now.” Bobby continues, “You’re going to start from the beginning and tell me everything that happened.”

“Like from birth? That’s a long story, 17 years worth of events to be precise.” Parker quips feeling more like her evasive self.

The glare that Bobby gives her tells her it’s time to let the skeleton out of the closet. All of them.

She gives him a longsuffering sigh before resting her head on his chest; she’d need all the comfort she could get.

“Back when I was 14, I had just gotten out of the foster care system. Since hunting was all I knew, I went back to it. It was hard at the beginning… Really hard. There was a few times where I thought I was going to die to be completely honest. Once I was hunting a Kami or a Djinn or something like that and I really needed help.” Parker takes a shaky breath but takes comfort in the lazy thump of Bobby’s heart. “That’s when I stumbled into Chad.”


End file.
